Lee and I settled down to watch a movie after the little Baby Ninja (his new name) was tucked into bed last night.* We had two choices - Taken and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. We had seen Taken, but liked it so much that we thought we might go for round two. I was really interested in the Button movie.
We settled on a little Brad Pitt action, despite the fact that I am most def on Team Jennifer.
Lee didn't make it past the two hour mark. Yes, it's a three hour movie, but I digress. I stayed until the bittersweet end. And I cried. And cried. And cried some more.
I cried from thirty minutes out from the end (12:00 a.m.) until an hour after it was over (1:30 a.m.). I only stopped crying at that point because Lee kept groaning and telling me that he had already been aleep for an hour and couldn't understand a word of my blubbering babble.
You may think I'm emotional wreck at this point, which is true some days;), but let me tell you why this beautiful story about a little baby who was born old and dies young touched me. It demonstrated the pain of losing someone you love.
Mommy Confession - I'm afraid of losing the people I love, especially my husband and my child.
I know that I shouldn't think about the what-ifs when I tuck Walker in at night or send Lee out the door. But I do. And it scares me.
When I hear news of tragedy, I put myself in their shoes. Sometimes I think about it to the point that I am upset, running through the possible scenarios and imagining my grief and all of the things that we would miss out on. Again, I know this is morbid, but I'm just being honest.
The bad thing about fearing the unknown (and unlikely) is that it can get you worked into a tizzy and make you one of those "helicopter" wives or mommies. (Lord, help me resist the urge!) But the good thing is that it makes you think twice when you get off the phone or take in a special memory. It makes you more human and fragile - and more thankful - than ever before. And most important in my life, it makes me trust God to care for the ones that I love.
Do you ever fear losing loved ones?
*See pic of Walker sleeping peacefully at three months. No worries for him. So sweet!